WARNING: Abusers try to control their victim's lives and they often feel a loss of control when the victim attempts to leave them. Take special care when you leave an abuser and continue being careful even after you have left because the abuse often escalates and becomes very unpredictable.

Your safety is the most important thing. Listed below are tips to help keep you safe and assist you in working out a safety plan that would work for you.

If you are in an abusive relationship:

• Have important phone numbers nearby including: police, hotlines, friends, and the local shelter.
  
• If you have children, discuss a safety plan with them and teach them how to dial emergency numbers.
  
• Ask friends or neighbours to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises.
  
• Practice ways to get out of your home safely; identify which doors and windows would be best exits.
  
• If you have a vehicle, ensure that you always have gas and that your vehicle is in good working condition.
  
• If you feel abuse is going to happen, avoid areas such as the kitchen and bathroom where items may be used as weapons.
  
• Identify any weapons in the house and ways that you could get them out of the house.
  
• Think of safe place you can go and ways to get out of the house; for example, taking out the trash, walking the pet, or going to the store.
  
• Put together a bag of things you use every day (see attached checklist). Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
  
• Use your own instincts and judgement. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what he wants to calm him.
  

When preparing to leave:

• Keep money, keys, important documents, medication, etc. in a safe spot so you can grab a bag and leave. You might want to leave this bag at a trusted friend's or neighbour's place.
  
• Open a savings account and/or credit card in your own name to establish or increase your independence. Think of other ways to increase your independence.
  
• Plan where to go and practice how you would leave. Consider people who might help you, if you left; for example, people who will keep a bag for you or who will lend you money.
  
• Keep change for phone calls or get a cell phone.
  
• Plan how to take your children with you safely. There are times when taking your children with you may put all of your lives in danger. You need to protect yourself to be able to protect your children.
  
• Review your safety plan as often as possible to plan the safest way to leave.
  

Remember: leaving can be the most dangerous time!

After you have left your abuser:

• Think about your safety – you still need to.
  
• Get a restraining order from the court. Keep a copy with you at all times.
  
• Give a copy to the police, people who take care of your children and your boss.
  
• Consider installing stronger locks and doors, smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, a security system, and outside lights.
  
• Tell friends and neighbours that your abuser no longer lives with you. Ask them to call the police if they see your abuser near your home or your children.
  
• Tell people who take care of your children the names of the people who are allowed to pick them up.
  
• If possible, avoid places that you went when you were with your abuser
  
• If you absolutely must speak with your abuser.... do so in a public place.
  
• If you're thinking about returning to the abuser, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust
  
• Have positive thoughts about yourself and be clear with others about your needs.
  
• Read books, articles, and poems to help you feel stronger.
  
• Decide whom you can talk to freely and openly to give you the support you need.
  
• Attend a woman or victim's support group for at least a few weeks to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.
  

Safety at work

• Think about and practice a safety plan for your workplace. Tell your boss and co-workers of your situation.
  
• If you have a restraining order, consider providing your boss with a copy of it and a picture of the abuser.
  
• Ask someone to help screen your telephone calls at work. You can also use voicemail to screen calls.
  
• Block unwanted e-mails so you don't have to read them. Asking someone to walk you to your car/the bus/the train to ensure your safety, when leaving work. If possible, use a variety of routes to go home.

For more information on safety planning call Victim Services at 466-5808.